the waves of your words
are still reaching me.
I can only feel anger and betrayal,
as i tear open the seams
i thought i had sewn shut
for the last time.
Your hypocrisy never fails to amaze.
you speak of disease like you know what you’re talking about.
i recall watching you sling a pan against the fridge so hard
that the house shook,
or so it seemed.
i recall watching you scream and slam your fists
against the wheel
when your truck wouldnt start.
spittle flying from your mouth as you cursed
growing up with her there,
sleeping while you worked,
neglecting her children
delegating tasks to me to finish.
How dare you talk about her raising me
sacrificing so many things for us.
you’re a liar and a coward.
At least I only picked up one of those traits.
I took a plunge,
and was told that it wasn’t working anymore.
How shitty I was.
And I can’t help but laugh.
you taught me to be a needy fuck who is so afraid of losing anything
that ill cling and whine and guilt others into keeping me around
until they can’t stand to anymore.
until my own insecurities become malignant and ever closer.
Why would anyone ever love me, you know?
I like to believe that it’ll get better,
maybe i’ll stop being such a fuckup
I’m not sure.